KNEEL BEFORE ROLLINS!

Much like the world of comic books, WWE has different “Earths” inhabited by members of their “Universe”. While these dimensions often take place in different comics — the Detective Comics version of Batman has a slightly different story than that of Batman Eternal or Justice League of America‘s Bats — for the WWE, it manifests itself with how each performer works on different shows. NXT is the most obvious “Elseworld”, but there are alternate realities for each of the shows on the docket.

And there is perhaps no greater difference between the two worlds than Main Event Tyson Kidd-and-Natalya and Raw Tyson Kidd-and-Natalya. In the former, they are part of a dangerous trio of highly competent heels who mix dastardly tactics and brilliant in-ring work to create a super team of heels. In the latter, they are two bumbling Canadians who can’t get out of each others way. You get three guesses for which one ends up having an easier getting over every week.

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JUST WHEN I THINK I’M OUT…. THEY PULL ME BACK IN!

Speaking of Elseworld versions of WWE performers: while he may be “pound for pound” the most talented in-ring performer of his generation, there is no single incarnation of Cesaro that feels like he could be a main event singles talent at this point. This promo, which was bumbling and derivative of the #PipeBomb promo at best stands as a testament to the differences between “professional wrestling” and “sports entertainment”. In a wrestling promotion that focuses entirely on a niche audience of die hard fans who have twisted their suspension of disbelief in a ball of self-hatred-and-delusion, Cesaro would be King Dick of Shit Mountain. But for those who think he deserves a shot at the big time in a world where being a total package entertainer (and not The Total Package, who was not particularly entertaining) is the most important thing, I’m, well… let this wonderful man explain it to you:

Speaking of Bad Great News: Luke Harper is still getting a monster (heel) push even after losing the title to Dolph Ziggler at the TLC PPV. The Bad News? He and his “Clothesline from Smell” are stuck with the Farting Natalya gimmick to get it over.

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