Over the course of seven days, there’s a lot of wrestling on TV. But only some of it is actually worth watching. That’s where Spoiler Alert comes in: we break down the spoilers of all of WWE’s pre-taped shows to let you know what you should watch, and which segments and full shows you should skim or skip. This week, Andy starts planning what he’ll do with the time he would have spent watching Main Event and Smackdown.
(spoilers via Wrestlezone.com)
Goldust d. Ryback
This was the advertised main event for this one, and I have a strange feeling it’s not going to deliver. Goldy wins by DQ when Curtis Axel interferes. Cody gets involved too. I’m sure this is building to a tag title match for the least-over team in the company, but let’s face it. WWE is desperate for this Ryback-Axel pairing to work. Axel needs heat, and Ryback needs to work with more talented guys. Unfortunately, the only time anyone cares about these two is when Ryback lifts a giant, or when the crowd decides to chant for a guy who hasn’t been relevant in a decade.
The Usos d 3MB
Jinder and Drew are representing 3MB here. No idea what gimmick they’ll be representing, but I’m sure it’ll be fun. The Usos are almost always fantastic, and this should essentially be a showcase for them. The best current team never to hold the tag titles keeps on impressing.
Damien Sandow d R-Truth
In a logically-booked world, this match becomes an overbooked cluster-f featuring run-ins from Dolph Ziggler, Brodus Clay, Tensai, and Xavier Woods. You know, because all those guys are currently intertwined in the storylines. Maybe it happens, or maybe it’s just a simple match that Sandow wins. I don’t know, because nobody seems to have any detailed spoilers. Way to go, Tulsa. This is why we can’t have nice things.
SKIP this show. Yeah, sure, there is some decent talent on the card… but no one is doing anything interesting. The only match on the show that matters is building toward a title match no one wants to see. Spend this hour watching South Park re-runs and preparing for the latest new episode.
(spoilers via PWinsider.com)
Tyson Kidd d Justin Gabriel
…in the dark match, that is. Tyson, your 2-week push is officially over. If you want more TV time, I suggest cheating on Natalya during a Total Divas taping.
Randy Orton says he’s going to beat John Cena at TLC, and apologizes to The Authority for being a big jerk on Monday. Daniel Bryan says he should be apologizing for being a bogus champion. Under wrestling law, they must fight tonight.
Big E Langston d Fandango in a nontitle match.
Bad News Barrett says some things. No idea what kind of things, but I’m sure they’re delightful. No, seriously.
Kofi Kingston vs Alberto Del Rio never happens, because Del Rio murders Kofi before the match. I suppose the Miz was busy making straight-to-DVD movies.
The Shield talked about murdering CM Punk, and teased some dissension.
Ryback & Curtis Axel d Cody Rhodes & Goldust in a nontitle match. They’re seriously building to a title match here. Ryback and Axel have done NOTHING to earn a title match, mind you, but they’re getting one. Not the unstoppable Usos. Not the popular Prime Time Players. Not the heat-magnet Real Americans. The so-called team who have maybe wrestled a half-dozen matches together.
CM Punk d Dean Ambrose in a nontitle match. Reports are this was a good match. Punk tweeted that he shit himself during the match. Just like that, you have two reasons to watch.
Natalya d Tamina Snuka, which probably qualifies her for a Divas title match at TLC.
Big Show & Rey Mysterio d The Real Americans I’ll allow it, but only if Rey Mysterio takes a giant swing from Cesaro.
Randy Orton d Daniel Bryan with the RKO. Bray Wyatt appears on the screen, inviting Bryan to join the family.
SKIM this show. It definitely doesn’t seem like it’s worth 2 hours of your time (welcome back, Michael Hayes!) That said, I would not miss Punk-Ambrose or Orton-Bryan. Everything else? Grab the remote.