LOLCENAWINS has long been the errant cry of
idiots a certain segment of the fandom, but at WrestleMania time it sounds even dumber than usual. He’s lost consecutive WrestleMania main events — WrestleMania XVII and XXVIII — before winning back his pride, and the WWE title, at WrestleMania 29. And while he had a particularly dominant stretch — WrestleMania 21-23, beating JBL, Triple H and Shawn Michaels at consecutive shows, with the latter two on last — he’s the One Who Took The Pin during WrestleMania XXIV’s triple threat match between himself, Randy Orton and Triple H.
Of course, that’s all irrelevant.
Only two things matter when trying to figure who is going to win a match: how does the company feel about them and the person they are facing at that given moment, and what’s best for the current storyline from a logical standpoint.
And while it’s hard to tell exactly what the company is trying to do for any given storyline — see: WrestleMania 25’s main event — if you know what to look for, it can become VERY easy to see how the WWE feels. And, thankfully for us, Juice Make Sugar extended family member Matthew Timmons of Kayfabermetrics showed us where to look. Which, is to say that, despite this being almost all of my words, these are almost all his thoughts, or at the very least, research.
Like, for instance, while WWEWHC Randy Orton is at the Top of Pops right now by nearly any statistical measure, Bray Wyatt has the easily the best resume of any bad guy without a biblical reference for a name (Kane or Christian) when you go by all-encompassing measures like Kayfabermetrics’ PIN rating.
But even when using less advanced statistics, like “wins and loss records” — which out of context of the matches they are building up to are completely irrelevant — his work since debuting at SummerSlam has been off the charts: 19-3, with two DQ losses and one while in a tag match with Daniel Bryan when the Usos escaped the cage. That’s not surprisingly the highest winning percentage out of any wrestler over that time, and doesn’t even highlight the fact that he hasn’t been pinned.
He also has the highest VEL — a measure of how “hard” you’ve been pushed between PPVs — of any “heel” not named Randy Orton (this is a recurring theme), which puts him in perfect position to face John Cena — the Champ of everything, including PIN for “faces”. And more importantly, given the only two things that matter — how the company feels about you, and what’s best for business — a very viable opponent for John Cena who will build actual intrigue about who will win the match.
A win gives the red hot Bray — whom the company clearly wants to push as one of its next megastars — the cache of beating a major star at WrestleMania, and can be done without any risk of diminishing Cena in any discernible way. That’s because Cena has far and away the most “Legacy Push Points(LPP)” (which, full disclosure, I helped develop) — a measure of the totality of in-ring accomplishments [titles, Royal Rumble and MITB wins, etc.] over a wrestler’s career, which can’t be “buried” — on the roster, with nearly 25% more than 2nd place Orton, who has almost double anyone else.
idiots certain segment of the fandom, worrying about LOLCENAWIS ruining your favorite hillbilly cultist, fear not. You may think history isn’t on your side, that’s because you don’t know what you are talking about. And, while the numbers may not be completely on your side, they aren’t necessarily on Cena’s.