WrestleMania XXXIV

Let’s get our magic booking pen ready and Fantasy Book our way through tonight's card for WrestleMania XXXIV!

Universal Championship Match

Brock Lesnar (C) vs. Roman Reigns

The Dream: Roman Reigns, fueled by the power of THIS BUSINESS, Superman punches Brock so hard he turns in to Braun Strowman, at which point, the two began hurling larger and larger means of transportations at each other until they realize that they both like smashing things so much they should just be best friends.

The Nightmare: Given Lesnar’s history with WrestleMania matches right before he’s leaving the company, anything better than “least watchable match in the history of wrestling” would be an upgrade. 

The Hope: Roman Reigns is able to keep his actual emotions in check, and Brock ends up respecting Roman/”THIS BUSINESS” enough to actually put in the truly transcendent performance he always feels capable of, but rarely achieves.

The Reality:  Their first match was a top-five Mania Main Event (don’t you dare fucking @ me), but that was with a motivated Lesnar and “less emotionally invested in proving himself” Roman Reigns, which gives the entire match the feeling it might collapse under its own weight into a “shoot” that is so real that it ends up being as terrible and boring as non-sports fights usually are.

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