Andy’s (not so) Angry: The #HossDivision, GFW Tags New Japan, and Stepping Back in the Combat Zone

There are two shows I’m really excited to see in 2015.

The first is Wrestlemania 31.  I have my ticket, my airfare is booked, and I’ll finally make my west coast debut to see someone dethrone the unstoppable WWE Champion.  And I’ll make Nick lose his mind in the process, since I didn’t go to Wrestlemania when it was in the New York market…but I watched The Rock beat Cena in Miami, and now I’m going to Cali.  Everywhere but here.

But before I fly across a continent to watch a show I could watch free at Nick’s house, I’m going to watch New Japan’s Wrestle Kingdom 9… on US Pay-Per-View…with live commentary by Jim fucking Ross… and presented by Jeff Jarrett’s Global Force Wrestling.

Remember Global Force Wrestling?  Probably not.  Jarrett announced the group earlier in 2014.  There were a lot of promises made, a lot of rumors, and a lot of hope for a new alternative in wrestling.  Hell, I even wrote up a GFW fantasy draft.

You could say I was excited.  You could also say I have been waiting…and while I am REALLY excited to finally watch New Japan from the comfort of my own home… I’m a little bit confused.

And with that in mind, I present a couple pieces of free advice for Mr. Jarrett.

First of all, it’s time to start making sure you don’t make a single promise you can’t keep.  Earlier this year, we heard a lot about you scouting talent all over the world.  We heard a lot about how GFW had a talent base consisting of hundreds of wrestlers, some known, others not, from all over the world.  You promised fans would get an amazing blend of wrestling talent when GFW launched.

The only names on the GFW roster today share a common last name. One’s your wife. You see the other in the mirror.  And while I respect your wrestling talent and résumé, that’s not what you promised.  And it’s pretty simple, Double-J: you don’t promise what you can’t deliver.  That’s how you turn fans away.  That’s how you blow your chance.

After watching what Dixie has done to your last brainchild, you should fucking know better.

And speaking of TNA, I have another piece of advice for you: establish your identity, and quickly.  Figure out what the hell you’re going to present, how you’re going to present it, and move forward.  Do you want to be the American arm of international wrestling companies, presenting pay-per-views for Japan, Mexico, and Europe?  That’s fine.  Want to be a straightforward wrestling company, that uses “staff” wrestlers, and occasionally brings in guys from cooperating groups from around the world, like WCW did?  Go for it.  But whatever you do, choose an identity.  You can’t be this epic, undefined clusterkerfluffle, with no sense of meaning or direction.  If you try to, we will respond by rolling our eyes, unfollowing you on Twitter, tuning in to Raw and forgetting Global Force was ever anything more than a thought in your mind.

But not until we make a bunch of obligatory “Global Farce” jokes.  And trust me, there will be “Global Farce” jokes.  The only way to avoid them is to set your course and make a real impact.

See what you made me do, there?  Please don’t do it again.

Join the Kayfabemetrics Institute on Patreon!