Andy Will Be Angry If…: WWE WrestleMania 31 Edition

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

I have one gripe with this match: the outcome doesn’t matter. Nothing is on the line. Nobody actually wins anything (except bragging rights. yippee) by winning this. So what? We can’t attach a “guaranteed title shot at the June PPV” or “GM for a night” stipulation or SOMETHING to make the outcome of this match meaningful?

Anyway, out of the 19 guys announced (so far) for this one, we know that Fandango, Adam Rose, Zack Ryder, Jack Swager, Titus O’Neil, Darren Young, Big Show, Kane, Erick Rowan, Sin Cara, Goldust, Heath Slater, Mark Henry, Konnor and Victor are all going over the top rope, no questions asked.

That leaves us with The Miz, Ryback, Damien Mizdow, and Curtis Axel.

I like Axel. I think he’s been doing his best to make chicken salad out of chicken shit since the Rumble, but I don’t see this match going his way.

I think Damien Mizdow HAS TO eliminate The Miz in this match. He HAS TO finally overcome the Miz’s douchebaggery. So Miz is out.

But Miz is still a douchebag, and he’s going to cost Mizdow his moment in the spotlight. Mizdow is out.

The only real option to win this thing is Ryback. He’s the only one. He can pull off some amazing feat of strength by defeating Kane, Big Show, and Mark Henry… something for the highlight reel. And he can carry around the trophy for a while, until there’s a strong enough heel for him to challenge (but not necessarily defeat) for the WWE Championship.

I’ll be angry if: Big Show and Kane clear the ring again, Royal Rumble style. I’m not in the mood to sit in a sea of butthurt smart marks.

I’ll keep my cool if: WWE decides to up the ante and put something on the line here. Miz, Mizdow, or Ryback win.

I’m expecting: Miz hides outside the ring until Mizdow “wins.”  Miz comes back in and steals the victory, and the spotlight, from his former stunt double. Mizdow snaps on Raw.

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