I TOLD YOU SO: Angry Andy’s Survivor Series Recap

kickoff

The Miz, Bo Dallas, Stardust & The Ascension vs. Goldust, Neville, Titus O’Neil and The Dudley Boyz

The first traditional Survivor Series elimination match of the night took place on the kickoff show, and it immediately highlights WWE’s biggest problem. They’ve got a bunch of upper midcard guys who you can’t take seriously in the WWE title picture, then a bunch of glorified job guys who you can’t take seriously at all. That’s who we got here, in the “hey, we’ve got time to fill, who’s under contract?” match.

The Stardust character needs to go. The Ascension needs to go, period. Bo Dallas needs a major rebranding, or a two year “go find yourself” run on the indies… or, maybe, he just needs to get #BULLFIT. ┬áThe Miz, Neville, The Dudley Boyz, and the Prime Time Players all need something meaningful to do, instead of being regulated to arguably-entertaining filler matches. Goldust needs to keep being Goldust, because 2015 Goldust is a goddamn dream come true. The pop he got when his theme song hit shows he still has legitimate value.

Anyway, these guys had a match. Viktor was eliminated in what, a minute? That should show you where the Ascension rank in WWE these days.

Titus O’Neil looks like a million bucks, but he wrestles like a handful of crumpled up singles. The fact that he was highlighted in this match, but Darren Young was completely M.I.A., was confusing at best, and asinine at worst.

You know what else is infuriating? The fact that Neville was the only man eliminated from the babyface team. Out of everyone you could write off, you choose the exciting young superstar… who happens to be the only member of his team under the age of 38… the only guy on the team under 30… the only guy with real potential to become a new star in the company. Unfortunately for Neville, he’s not a couple inches taller and much better looking… and Apollo Crews is.

Whatever. The full babyface team survives… except Neville. Why? Because fuck Neville, apparently.

What I liked: The match itself was fun enough, and told a pretty straightforward story. Goldust and Cody/Stardust are at their best when working with one another. I’m a fan of most of the guys involved in this match, too.

What made me angry: Stardust and Goldust were feuding….8 months ago. The Dudleyz have had a squash victory or two over the Ascension. Beyond that… why did any of these guys have a reason to wrestle? Who cares about beating Bo Dallas? What does anyone gain by beating the Miz, or Konnor, or Viktor? Who gained anything here, at all?

If I booked it…: SOMETHING would have been on the line. Anything to make this match actually matter, instead of being good enough, but forgettable.