What’s the Worst That Could Happen: The 2014 Royal Rumble PPV

It’s Royal Rumble Sunday, which means it’s time for us to ask: “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”.  And, because we love you, we also gave you a PPV Predictions episode of Headlock’d fresh from the oven this morning and will have an Official Juice Make Sugar drinking game for you before the show starts. All of this (for free!) before we drop our world famous Bang for Your Buck PPV review in your lap on Monday morning.

To make sure you don’t miss anything, follow us (or me) on Twitter and like us on Facebook. Now that we’ve gotten the shameless plugs out of the way, let’s figure out What’s the Worst That Could Happen tonight in Pittsburgh:

Kickoff Match for the WWE Tag Team Championship

brotherhood outlaws

THE BROTHERHOOD vs. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS

Best Case Scenario: Goldust kicks Cody’s leg out of his leg, starting a feud that builds through a well-worked WrestleMania curtain jerker and continues until SummerSlam where they face off in a cage match.

Worst Case Scenario: The New Age Outlaws win this match, through any means other than “impossibly dirty” or through the Best Case Scenario.

What Nick Wants to Happen:  Anything that allows Cody or Goldust to work against each other at some point down the road in a way that makes sense.

What Will Happen: Rhodes Boys win, but by the skin of their teeth, sowing seeds of dissension which come to fruition at the Elimination Chamber.

Bryan Wyatt

DANIEL BRYAN vs. BRAY WYATT

Best Case Scenario: Bray finally has a chance to “explore the studio space”, doesn’t screw up the inverted crabwalk, match has an ending which makes sense within the context of itself.

Worst Case Scenario: Bray Wyatt wins cleanly, leading all Daniel Bryan fanboys to spend two continuous months complaining about how bad WrestleMania season is because their favorite wrestler isn’t also the star of the show. Well, complain more.

What Nick Wants to Happen: Whatever shuts Daniel Bryan fanboys up the most.

What Will Happen: Daniel Bryan fanboys will complain for the next two months about how bad WrestleMania season is, even if their favorite wrestler is also the star of the show after winning this match.

show lesnar

BIG SHOW vs. BROCK LESNAR

Best Case Scenario: Brock Lesnar goes totally sick house on Big Show, throwing him around like he has done to Brock the past few weeks.

Worst Case Scenario: Big Show wins, looks like he’s going to win, or even gets sustained offense for a majority of the match.

What Nick Wants to Happen: Brock Lesnar beats Show so bad, Show’s hair grows back.

What Will Happen: 40/60 booking so that Show can look good, and Lesnar can look great. Which will likely make both of them look “okay”, with Lesnar ultimately F-5ing Show while the crowd goes “OOOOOHHHH”.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match

orton cena

JOHN CENA vs. RANDY ORTON (C)

Best Case Scenario: Randy Orton wins, faces Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania.

Worst Case Scenario: John Cena wins, faces Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania.

What Nick Wants to Happen: A good match, with at least a little tomfoolery to build towards any number of story lines ON THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA™

What Will Happen: Randy Orton wins, via shenanigans.

The Royal Rumble Match

Royal Rumble Preview

Batista, Albert del Rio, Big E. Langston, The Miz, R-Truth, Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, Goldust, Rey Mysterio, Fandango, CM Punk, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Luke Harper, Erick Rowan, Damien Sandow, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Ryback, Jack Swagger, Antonio Cesaro, Titus O’Neil, Darren Young and five more “surprise” entrants

Best Case Scenario: A compelling narrative, lead by some sort  of transcendent performance(s) by CM Punk, Roman Reigns, Big E. Langston, Albert del Rio and/or Antonio Cesaro that also allows for the likely winner (Batista) to shine in the match without having it (unintentionally) look the match fell into his lap.

Worst Case Scenario: An orgy.

What Nick Wants to Happen: Roman Reigns to Level Up, CM Punk took give us our money’s worth and Batista to be less winded from walking down the aisle than he was Monday Night.

What Will Happen: An awesome clusterkerfuffle of a match, with twist, turns and any number of double crosses. It’s always the best match of the year, and take it from an quasi-expert — or at least someone who has watched all of the Royal Rumbles PPVs in a row — this  has the potential to be one of the best Royal Rumble Matches of all time. While it may seem like only one or two people have a chance (Punk and Batista), any attempt to predict what will happen in a Royal Rumble is futile unless Hulk Hogan is involved and Ric Flair isn’t. There’s no guaranteeing what will happen, or why it happens, but just enjoy the ride and you should be fine. Though, if I were a betting man, I’d go with our Wrestler of the Week, Batista.