See, Brock, This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Raw Regurgitated, 1/7

It seemed like the best Randy Orton was violent sociopath Randy Orton,  because of the subtle ways in which he is feels like an eminently dangerous person — significantly larger than you initially realize and almost impossibly quick/agile regardless of size —  but with promos like this, it appears this weird, meta put-upon Randy Orton may surpass that one.  The confrontation with Flair perfectly balanced the dichotomy of Orton’s “I definitely belong at this level” resume and “I certainly don’t act like it” attitude.  

This is something that will likely be discussed this Friday for #RicFlairWeek’s Difference of Opinion, but watching Cena and Flair together it’s odd to think that John is — in the pantheon of the business — almost at the same level as the “Nature Boy”.  When you considering  his long-term run as The Man and The Business along with the matches he’s had — lest we forget that Cena has legit claims on the last 3 Matches of the Year — it’s hard to argue his place in history relative to the Dirtiest Player in the game. While Cena hasn’t, and probably never will, surpass Flair given his age (34!) and work ethic, it’s not outside the realm of possibility. I also think I may have just exploded the internet.

***

It must be weird for JBL that the Wyatts aren’t faces even with Daniel Bryan. You know he wants to ask hard hitting questions like “Why aren’t people talking about the Wyatt Family possibly breaking up?” and blaming it on the “lamestream media”.

While the Lillian horse joke seemed unnecessary, if it means they are continue The Ryback’s run as Bully Ry, I’ll grab the saddle.

Dean Ambrose’s promos feel edgy for me because he sets the expectations so high every time that you’re worried what he’s going to say next not because he’s engaging you but because you keep waiting for him to suck.

***

Time and space have odds relationships in professional wrestling. If Alberto had beaten Sin Cara the week after losing to him twice, that promo would have never happened or at the very least, would have involved him establishing himself as being able to beat Sin Cara after a fluky win or two. But because of del Rio’s concussion, he ends up waiting a month to get revenge on a guy who had no business beating him in the first place unless the explicit goal was to have him work with somebody that made him look good while also being formidable enough to make sense as an opponent. The lesson: Alberto del Rio should avoid having concussions in matches he’s going to lose in.

***WARNING *** YOU ARE NOW ENTERING A WRESTLING NERD DISCUSSION ZONE *** PLEASE KEEP HANDS AND FEET INSIDE OF KAYFABE AT ALL TIMES *** There is no real comparison in any major sport to what Goldust has done in the last few months. He’s redefined his legacy in so many different ways that it’s difficult to comprehend what this will mean for the future of the business and guys like Dustin Rhodes. It’s not just that this has probably made him an eventual Hall of Famer, this run has made the story of  Dustin into a narrative that people can look to as an example of “second chances” and more importantly, allowing performers to develop into things instead of thrusting the spotlight on them before they are ready. While it’s fantastic that Dustin has become one of the truly significant performers in a wrestling company without having to push the “shock value” button until he ends up in a diaper (sorry, Big Show) next to Luna Vachon, his is now a cautionary tale of what can happen when you push someone too much too soon. Dustin Rhodes should be a multi-time World’s Champion with an in-ring resume every bit as significant as his father’s instead of one of many truly great performers to never be The Man. While there’s no one to blame in particular, knowing performances like this match exist in guys like him will allow us to get  more  Bray Wyatts and less Erik Watts. ***YOU ARE NOW EXITING A WRESTLING NERD DISCUSSION ZONE*** ENJOY YOUR COMPLIMENTARY SONIC MILKSHAKE ON THE WAY OUT***

We’ve had Ali-Frazier III, so why not Sandow-Khali?

***

While it’s obviously disappointing that they felt the need to write Mark Henry off of television, and presumably out of the Royal Rumble, the real bummer of this entire segment was when Big Show’s music hit instead of anyone else’s Big E. Langston’s.

Oof

Oof.

Dancing

BaBoof.

#BnB feels like the hashtag for one of those weird town hall discussions on Twitter, and in the worst way possible. Just let #BadNewsBarrett happen, WWE and stop trying to force it. Because if you don’t, well…

***

CM Punk Roman Reigns graphic looks great

The push by a certain segment of the fandom against “looks” sometimes  manifest itself in ways that hurt the product, as guys who look like Vince McMahon wants them to often get ignored or unfairly judged regardless of whether or not they can go. This ignores any number of things about the fundamental nature of the wrestling business, but most notably: when the fighting is fake, the people want to watch guys who look like they could really kick someone’s ass. Which is why big guys with big muscles get pushes so quickly without proving themselves: they’ve already proven to the people — who are self-admittedly shallow — that they visually meet our expectations of asskickery and it’s up to those guys to meet the expectations. When they fail, you get Ezekiel Jackson. But when you actually meet or exceed the expectations for you based on your look, you get Roman Reigns. And guys like Roman Reigns are worth their weight in gold.

The Superman punch — and its precarious overness — is dangerous, not because it doesn’t look cool, but because it seems almost impossible to guarantee a hit on. If Reigns never ends a match with it he will be fine, but if he wins a single thing with one of those suckers that doesn’t quite connect, it will not be pretty.

Roman audibly calling out “Ambrose!” before Dean came in for a small distraction, and in a manner that didn’t draw attention to it right away  — where it came from wasn’t immediately apparent — is every bit as important as Reigns winning the match essentially clean. They seem to be pushing hard that Reigns, Ambrose and Rollins aren’t just naturally breaking down through entropy as much as being torn by apart by outside forces and, on some level, their own egos.

“HOLY SHIT” were the exact words that came out of my mouth when Jake’s music hit, while I sat in this room alone at the end of Raw. So, good job, WWE. Did  not see that coming at all.