What’s the Worst That Could Happen: The 2013 TLC PPV

It’s TLC Sunday, which means it’s time for us to ask: “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”.  And, because we love you, you’ll also be getting a PPV Predictions episode of Headlock’d fresh from the oven this afternoon. All of this (for free!) before we drop our world famous Bang for Your Buck PPV review in your lap on Monday morning.

To make sure you don’t miss anything, follow us (or me) on Twitter and like us on Facebook. Now that we’ve gotten the shameless plugs out of the way, let’s figure out What’s the Worst That Could Happen tonight in Boston:

Kickoff Match

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. FANDANGO

Best Case Scenario: The commercials during this match manage to be less than it would be on Raw, SmackDown or even Main Event and nobody looks like an idiot.

Worst Case Scenario: Instead of a match, Fandango talks Ziggler into a dance-off, and since they are in Houston, it’s called The Down-Home Hoedown Hootenanny. Or ANYONE twerks.

What Nick Wants to Happen:  Something that I can enjoy without thinking the entire time that “this should really be on the main card,” with the understanding that a Divas match belongs on the main card because it is a major title, not because the match is good.

What Will Happen: A lot of selling, a lot of commercials and at least one incoherent babbling statement about Dolph Ziggler needing to prove himself for the 18th consecutive WWE PPV pre-show by one of the “experts” on the panel.

WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match

GOLDUST & CODY RHODES VS. REY MYSTERIO & BIG SHOW VS. RYBACK & CURTIS AXEL VS. THE REAL AMERICANS

Best Case Scenario: This match is half as good as the matches half the participants in this match has been having for the last two months, with the new teams  — RYBAXEL and BIG REY SHOWSTERIO — either not getting in the way or making themselves useful in limited contexts.

Worst Case Scenario: RYBAXEL and BIG REY SHOWSTERIO work the entire match together, completely ignoring two of the four best tag teams  — second and fourth by your previewer’s estimation — in the company worse than the company itself ignores the third best.

What Nick Wants to Happen: RYBAXEL to use the power of friendship to will themselves to a victory, as Goldust turns on Cody, setting up three-and-a-half months of awesome.

What Will Happen: Cody and Goldust retain, with the slightest hint of dissension as they build towards a break up between the two at the Royal Rumble.

Intercontinental Title Match

BIG E. LANGSTON vs. DAMIEN SANDOW

Best Case Scenario: A fast paced match closer to what Big E. and Dean did before they busted their faces open on each other’s heads than after, with Damien Sandow looking like “aggressive” Damien Sandow and not “leather briefcase holding pansy/uncrowned World’s Champion” Damien Sandow.

Worst Case Scenario: A squash match where Langston only looks strong and Sandow only looks weak.

What Nick Wants to Happen: Something that doesn’t make me depressed that not only did Sandow not become World’s Champion, but has completely moved away from his feud with Cody.

What Will Happen: A squash match where Big E. Langston looks strong and smart, with Sandow only looking weak.

Divas Title Match

AJ LEE vs. NATALYA

Best Case Scenario: Kaitlyn spears Natalya on surprise interference, AJ Lee retains in disqualification, but doesn’t care because “crazy”, then reunites with Kaitlyn to reform the Chickbusters.

Worst Case Scenario: Natalya wins with help from the Bellas Twins and/or the rest of the Total Divas despite being a face.

What Nick Wants to Happen: AJ winning, by any means necessary.

What Will Happen: Natalya wins, because God is dead.

1-on-3 Handicap Match

CM PUNK vs. THE SHIELD

Best Case Scenario: Doing his best John Cena impression, CM Punk overcomes seemingly impossible odds, winning over even more hearts and minds than that night in Chicago… before losing when Roman Reigns spears him in half.

Worst Case Scenario: The Shield hotshots the break-up angle, allowing Punk to get a less than clean victory, while spelling certain doom for Daniel Bryan’s chances for later in the evening.

What Nick Wants to Happen: A Roman Reigns spear.

What Will Happen: A Roman Reigns spear… on Ambrose.

1-on-3 Handicap Match

DANIEL BRYAN vs. THE WYATT FAMILY

Best Case Scenario: Daniel Bryan ascends to Rey Mysterio “Ultimate Underdog” status by defeating all three members of The Family with a single Running Knee Strike, like so much 619.

Worst Case Scenario: The Wyatts winning, if only because it means that Daniel Bryan’s run as the Little Engine (Filled with Goats) That Could would likely be over, or turned down to a trickle of Awesome as opposed to the deluge we’ve seen the past 5 months.

What Nick Wants to Happen: Daniel dispatches Bray’s Dueling Banjo Band in a grueling 15-minute 2-on-1 affair before Wyatt wrestles him one-on-one in a separate ten-minute match.

What Will Happen: HBK turns out to be the Devil that made Wyatt do what he did, superkicks Bryan to give the match to the Family.

Tables, Ladders, and Chairs World Championship Unification Match

JOHN CENA vs. RANDY ORTON

Best Case Scenario: A definitive finish, with one champion.

Worst Case Scenario: Anything other than a definitive finish with one champion, especially the one champion part.

What Nick Wants to Happen: John Cena and Randy Orton to wrestle like they are wrestling Daniel Bryan, with the crowd caring as much as they would for the Daniel Bryan match they actually wanted to see. Also, seriously, A DEFINITIVE FINISH WITH ONE CHAMPION.

What Will Happen: Something that will make us all angry for one reason or another.