Punch Drunk Love: Raw Regurgitated, 10/8

Uh-oh! Somebody got in the spray tan again! When will she ever learn!

This wasn’t a particularly strong performance by either of the two principals, until, of course, Stephanie LOST IT and SLAPPED THE SHIT out of the Big Show. This is the type of emotion this storyline needs to keep interest up. Stephanie and H are fighting to the WWE built in their image, something that has a legacy within Stephanie’s family and will define not just Triple H’s career but his life in the entertainment industry. Also, watching Steph repeatedly hit someone in the face while they laugh at her because they are a giant is hilarious.

Pro tip: Never fire the guy you’ve been using as your assassin. Especially when you’ve been using “if you want to keep your job do what we tell you”. I’m not a logic doctor, but I’m pretty sure when you fire him, you’re saying “do whatever you want, guy”.

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For those without their WWE-to-English dictionaries: ” “Blah Blah has been very aggressive as of late” of “we might be pushing this guy, but we also like jobbing him out so let’s see if this gets over.”

Can’t they just give Dolph Ziggler  the superkick instead of trying to make chicken salad out of Billy Gunn’s finisher?

We had a request from one of our readers to talk about this Divas match and how bad it was. Unfortunately, we can’t do that. This match was what it was: an attempt to introduce to the Raw audience to people that have only really been seen in direct connection with “Total Divas”. Getting mad at Eva Marie for not being that great in the ring during (what I am assuming is) her debut match on Raw is like getting mad at a dog for meowing. It’s just going to frustrate you and make you question the meaning of life while blaming something that can’t help itself and clearly isn’t long for this world/is an abomination.

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The entrance had a little bit less oomph this time because we all knew the smoke was coming out of the nostrils, but getting to see Torito actually do some work was worth sitting through Drew McIntyre “Long Goodbye” tour.

I think at some point in here Bob Backlund spoke. I fast-forwarded, as I can’t watch crazy people talk with a live mic — nothing makes me more uncomfortable than people speaking when it’s clear they haven’t taken their pills — but from what I understand, it was rousing. And insane. Mostly insane.

This better not lead to CM Punk and R Truth taking the tag team titles away from the Shield because Punk wants to relive his glory days when he was best friends with a black guy and had long hair. Haven’t we seen enough of Punk throwing his weight around backstage?

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Where’s Kofi’s family? This doesn’t work unless you can see the exact moment Orton breaks Mama Kingston’s heart.

Any time that Kofi loses to Randy and Randy doesn’t tell him that no one will ever love him again has to feel good.

Daniel Bryan going H.A.M. on Randy is going to be important in the next two weeks, as having them be separated because DB is just too bloodthirsty and Randy is too crazy is  the only way anyone is going to pay to see them wrestle after the traveling Dusty Circus came to town.

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If Alberto and Vickie ever do get together, they better call their stable “The Family”.

It’s hard to say which was worse: that John is back already — I love Cena, but they need to give the Main Event some time to breathe — or that the announcement made people only half pay attention to Ricardo Rodriguez getting payback on Del Rio for putting his smoking buddy out of commission.

He’s had his heart broken, his neck broken and now his arm broken? How happy must Ricardo be now that the Affordable Care Act is being implemented?

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Zach Ryder is so low on the totem pole, they don’t even mention that he used to be US Champion. And I’m pretty they list Chris Benoit as a former US champion.

They need to put a belt on either Santino or Antonio, so that this amazing feud can have some stakes too it. Watching Marella try to hit Cesaro with the Cobra while simultaneously performing evasive maneuvers to avoid hitting Hornswoggle is why we get into the wrestling writing business in the first place. That and the chicks.

Considering that he booked himself as a guest, how did The Miz not see Bray Wyatt showing up on Miz TV? He must not recognize the level to which his career looks like a dead antelope on the Serengeti at this point. Poor guy.

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Goldust’s inevitable turn against Cody is going to make moments like this match — and Sunday night’s as well — be so much harder to look back on without it getting a little Dusty in JMS HQ.

***WARNING: YOU ARE NOW ENTERING A WRESTLING NERD DISCUSSION ZONE*** PLEASE KEEP EYES AND EARS INSIDE KAYFABE*** Mixing the Rhodes family struggles with Daniel Bryan’s, all while allowing for the Big Show to come back and get the most over out of anyone is the kind of layered booking/writing that separates good wrestling periods from great wrestling eras. Although it may not seem like it when you see Big Show knock out everyone involved in a match you may have paid to see a definitive ending to, wrestling exists in an entirely different narrative world than anything else. This doesn’t just extend to the WWE app, but exclusives on WWE.com — like Michael Cole’s weekly interviews with Triple H — and Twitter, where entire feuds can be build out for anyone that cares to watch. The WWE functions less like a scripted TV show and more like an augmented reality that the performers place on top of their normal lives to give some sort of meaning to the lives of people with nothing better to do. This may not feel like it, but this stuff is the beginning of a revolution, and while the results may not always be pretty, they will likely continue to be what’s “Best for Business”. ***YOU ARE NOW EXITING A WRESTLING NERD DISCUSSION ZONE***ENJOY YOUR COMPLIMENTARY SONIC MILKSHAKE ON THE WAY OUT***

Did Show just kill Triple H?