It’s a PPV week! (We know, we were surprised, too) We have all your Battleground needs covered here at Juice Make Sugar. We started off with a Headlock’d PPV Prediction Special and now we ask What’s the Worst That Could Happen? Then, we’ll be giving you our world famous Bang for Your Buck PPV review on Monday morning.
To make sure you don’t miss anything, follow us (or me) on Twitter and like us on Facebook. Now that we’ve gotten the shameless plugs out of the way, let’s figure out What’s the Worst That Could Happen in Buffalo tonight:
Dolph Ziggler vs. “Mr. Money in the Bank” Damien Sandow (Kickoff Match)
Best Case Scenario: The match gets so over that they claim that it’s “reached a time limit draw”, but the crowd threatens to riot, leading the match to be rescheduled for the main PPV, and the cancellation of
Total Divas Divas match.
Worst Case Scenario: They both lose, Damien Sandow misplaces briefcase on the way to ring, can’t cash in on RVD later in the night.
What Nick Wants to Happen: A simple match where both guys look good and nobody gets made a fool of.
What Will Happen: Dolph loses because of interference from Dean Ambrose, continuing their feud onto the actual PPV.
Kofi Kingston vs. Bray Wyatt
Best Case Scenario: Bo Dallas comes down, talks Bray Wyatt out of the ring by explaining that they are really brothers, Bo Dallas turns Wyatt family into Bo-lievers.
Worst Case Scenario: Kofi goes over Bray Wyatt. For any reason, or in any way.
What Nick Wants to Happen: Bray Wyatt manages to look as interesting in the ring as his gimmick has looked out of it. Kofi gets set on fire (but in a way that he doesn’t get hurt). Becomes Kofi Wyatt.
What Will Happen: Bray Wyatt has difficulty against Kofi because Kingston is the first guy you face in WWE 2k14 career mode after your debut storyline, but ultimately beats him after Kofi isn’t valiant enough to overcome interference from the rest of the Family,
Santino Marella and The Great Khali vs. The Real Americans
Best Case Scenario: Antonio Cesaro finally makes up for the last few weeks of losses and embarrassment by giving Khali the Giant Swing, uses him to propel Santino up for Swiss Death, finishes match by Neutralizing both at the same time. Is immediately awarded WWE Championship.
Worst Case Scenario: Santino uses Cobra to send The Real Americans to TNA, where they become the biggest face tag team in the history of the company.
What Nick Wants to Happen: The Real Americans get a much needed win, Santino manages to get the Cobra off, or at least has a comedy spot involving it. Because wrestling should be fun, and Santino is the most fun wrestler in the world.
What Will Happen: A mixture of Worst Case Scenario and What Nick Wants to Happen.
Intercontinental Champion Curtis Axel vs. R. Truth
Best Case Scenario: R. Truth loses his voice and is forced to hum lyrics to “What’s Up”, Curtis Axel quickly beats him, gives open challenge. Sami Zyan as El Local/Generico comes down and beats him in 20-minute Match of the Year candidate.
Worst Case Scenario: R. Truth wins, holds 20 minute long concert where he just raps the lyrics to “What’s Up” and the clean version of “Kim” from the Marshall Mathers LP.
What Nick Wants to Happen: A match where R. Truth’s offense looks believable, Paul Heyman praises Curtis after he wins handily.
What Will Happen: R. Truth wins, Paul Heyman calls Curtis fat and tells him no one will ever love him. Heyman tells him he watched his girlfriend die and could have saved her, but instead did nothing.
Divas Champion AJ Lee vs. Brie Bella
Best Case Scenario: AJ uses Brie Bella as a thing to do flippy/spinnies on, Brie doesn’t botch anything or hurt herself/AJ.
Worst Case Scenario: Brie winning, AJ immediately starts feud with Tamina. Is broken in half.
What Nick Wants to Happen: A match that lasts long enough for me to have a good pee break.
What Will Happen: Tamina helps AJ win, Stephanie comes out and restarts the match. Brie wins.
Rhodes Family vs. The Shield
Best Case Scenario: Goldust turns on Cody, gets full-time job with company, starting feud between the two which culminates in WrestleMania match between the two.
Worst Case Scenario: The Shield wins, Stephanie comes out and actually fires all three Rhodes in real life. Says “that was for complaining about the polka dots”.
What Nick Wants to Happen: Goldust carries the match, Cody comes in for the hottest tag ever, goes Super Mario on entire Better for Business Bureau.
What Will Happen: Cody wins, Dusty gets “hurt” by The Shield, Dustin takes a spear so big that it knocks the paint off his face.
World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. RVD
Best Case Scenario: Del Rio beats up RVD earlier in the night, Dolph Ziggler is moved into match, and wins. Damien Sandow cashes in on exhausted Ziggler.
Worst Case Scenario: RVD wins, signs contract extension using fallen Del Rio as table.
What Nick Wants to Happen: A crowd that actually gives a shit about ADR, RVD continues his hot streak of “looking like he gives a shit during matches”, Damien Sandow or Del Rio leaves arena with title.
What Will Happen: Alberto Del Rio loses in a hard-fought match because of (warranted) interference from Rodriguez and destroys RVD in the aftermath. Damien Sandow comes back and cashes in MitB.
CM Punk vs. Ryback
Best Case Scenario: CM Punk makes Ryback look as good as he deserves to. Disney sends cease-and-desist letter to crowd, forcing them to move past insane “Goldberg” chants because of concerns over copyright infringement.
Worst Case Scenario: CM Punk wins, gets his hands on Heyman, faces Randy Orton for title at next month’s PPV.
What Nick Wants to Happen: Ryback goes over mostly clean, is shown partying with Curtis Axel after as Heyman looks on like proud father.
What Will Happen: Ryback wins with heavy interference from Axel and Paul E., CM Punk almost gets his hand on Heyman. Cuts promo tomorrow about how he wants to get his hand on Heyman.
Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton for WWE Title
Best Case Scenario: Randy Orton wins, screws over both Triple H and Bryan in the process, leading to blow off match at Hell in a Cell which FINALLY ends feud.
Worst Case Scenario: Randy Orton wins clean in the ring, turns crowd for him with 15 minute speech on the pitfalls of rooting for underdogs.
What Nick Wants to Happen: Daniel Bryan does Daniel Bryan things, Randy Orton does Patrick Bateman things, finish does Dusty things.
What Will Happen: Interference costs Daniel Bryan match, Randy Orton crawls out as champion while JBL/Cole/Lawler argue about merits of victory.